grrrouffff

for a long time i've been wanting to write about my other half. it's hard to know what to say, i feel like i could write a book on him, though i still have so much to learn about his mind and soul. and yet when i sit here to type there doesn't seem to be a good place to begin.

i suppose i could begin by saying that i don't actually remember falling in love with him. it was not "love at first sight", nor was it gradual. i feel as if it was more of a recognition of each other. the intiation of love must have happened in some other dimension. i believe he saw it first, and then i too...that he is what was missing for so long. i wish i had always had the faith that i would find him, as he did, but i did not. faith is something i learned very recently.

he is always saying that i am braver and stronger than i give myself credit for. in this however, i am not being overly modest. i am neither brave nor strong. in fact i'm afraid of nearly everything, even the things i long for the most. but the truth is that i've learned to take strength when i need it, from outside of myself. this is something everyone needs to learn at some point, if subconsciously. i have my faith to draw upon, always, an endless river of peace and resolve. but now i also have satyajit. he likes to use the yin/yang metaphor....i never thought much of it until now. but yes, he is my balance, in every way i can think of.

and i admire him so much too. he's talented and creative. smart, intellectual. i was attracted to his mind before i ever saw his face. and perhaps all this even would have been enough for me. he's the most interesting person i know; self-confident without being arrogant. not many people can be that, and with such ease. but i think what will keep me by his side forever is his absolutely generous heart. to me yes, and to his family, his friends...almost everyone he comes across. he cares about his family and the world we live in. and me he loves without holding back. completely. my wish is that everyone gets to be loved like this in their lives, and my prayer that i will always live up to it, and love him the same way.

i don't know what will happen in the future. we aren't even together yet, physically. but we are united. i've been thinking a lot about the future, marriage, commitment. one thing i know about the future is that, though we can't always control our situations, we can always choose to be our best. he deserves nothing less. we deserve nothing less. he is my best, my better half. and i'm supremely lucky, blessed, and grateful for that.